History

This is a picture of my Mom and I with her husband.  I'll make it easy and call them Ma and Pa.  Ma has dementia.  No obvious signs of Alzheimer's at this time, but I will have to wait and see.  Her long term memory and recognizing people see to be OK.  Short term memory is gone with one exception.  Medical issues.  (More on that later!)  She is 85, he is 86.  Pa has been diagnosed as probably Alzheimer's.  My blog in progress is on Sharing Dementia.  I honestly think when someone you love has dementia, you SHARE it with them.  This is a picture that is about 1.5 years old, and the difference between then and now is not flattering.  They are now living in Assisted Living and are sliding down that slippery hill fairly quickly.

The two main reasons I have started this blog are because of the legal issues I have faced trying to become the legal guardian for my Mother (reasons needed are explained below), and blended family reasons.  Pa is not my Dad.  They have been married for 34 years.  I have never called him anything other than Papa Bear, or his name.  It's a sad story I am telling, but one that has many lessons for someone just entering the arena of caring for someone with Dementia that is not legally or financially prepared to do just that.  It is also a hope of mine that it will help someone else out there, while at the same time helping me to continue dealing with these issues.

I am sure if you are reading this, you understand all the basics of Dementia.  Just in case.... here is a short paragraph that Alzheimer's.org wrote About Dementia, "Dementia is not a specific disease. It's an overall term that describes a wide range of symptoms associated with a decline in memory or other thinking skills severe enough to reduce a person's ability to perform everyday activities. Alzheimer's disease accounts for 60-80 percent of cases.    There are many other conditions that can cause symptoms of dementia, including some that are reversible, such as thyroid problems and vitamin deficiencies.  Dementia is often incorrectly referred to as "senility" or "senile dementia," which reflects the formerly widespread but incorrect belief that serious mental decline is a normal part of aging."

We are not sure what "kind" of dementia Ma has, but it involves a lot of anger, outbursts, anxiety, erratic behavior and paranoia.  The paranoia is what led me to seeking to become the Legal Guardian of my Ma!  This is a story primarily about Ma, but I might venture into Pa once in awhile, as he lives with her.  Not always a happy Pa with his mind slipping too, but a character in and of himself!

Ma was displaying paranoia that we tried to deal with through talking and reality, but it was not working.  After we moved her into the Assisted Living facility that they now live in, her paranoia became directed at me.  As with many older dementia patients, Ma hid things thinking someone was looking for something.  She and Pa hid Ma's wallet, and then could not find it.  After having the staff at the residence look, I went over and looked as well.  I found it inside a folded pair of Pa's jeans.  I let them know I found it, and finished visiting and went home.  She later accused me of stealing it, and then putting it back and "finding" it and telling her.  There was no convincing her otherwise.  The part that shocked me the most was the phone calls where I heard her using every swear word known to mankind, all coming from the Ma that never swore!   This and other issues caused me to seek help from her psychiatrist that was trying to help find the right medicine doses for her condition.  He explained that it would be faster and easier to seek help in an inpatient setting.  Little did I know that this was just where the battle would begin!