More.....

Fighting a legal guardianship doesn't require much.  Just a simple urge to do so.  LOL  You don't even need a sound legal reason.  Like Pa's kids. 

I went to court with my self-filing papers 20 minutes early.  I was sitting in the hall outside the assigned courtroom when a very arrogant man approached me and asked me if I was there for my Ma's case.  I replied yes, and he proceeded to get closer to me, pointing his finger at me and telling me how the court action was going to go.  He was quite loud.  He also informed me that he was there representing the lawyer that Pa's kids had hired.  Their lawyer was unavailable to be there that day, so this obnoxious man was there filling in for him.  I was in SHOCK at that point. I could not believe that they were going to try to stop me from becoming my Ma's legal guardian.  

Ma's court appointed lawyer arrived, and we introduced ourselves as we had already spoken on the phone.  I told him what happened and he was as shocked as I was.  I was very upset and crying at this point.  When I get that shocked and angry, I tend to either yell or cry.  Since I was in such a quiet serious environment I cried my eyes out.  I pulled myself together and went into court.  I can't use the word shocked enough.  Unbelievable.  The Judge that had been assigned for months to this case wasn't there.  He was on some sort of leave of absence.  A judge from a different venue of a court was there.  He admonished me for crying, saying if I was going to be a legal guardian I had to pull myself together.  I was still in a state of shock over finding out that Pa's kids were contesting my actions. Oh my..... I answered any and all questions that were asked of me which were not many, and he assigned a continuance and advised me to get a lawyer at this point.  Their argument for contesting my becoming guardian was that I "intended to move Ma AWAY from Pa and keep them apart".  Needless to say, this was and has never been true.  BUT, it was enough for this judge and the court system to put everything on hold.  I left there that day completely drained.

I don't think I explained earlier, that when Pa's daughter came into town before my court hearing, she took Pa to a lawyer that she had found through a legal referral service where she worked, and had him complete a new Power of Attorney.  I was asked to be there for this.  I attended, and up until the very end was ok with what they were doing.  Once the new POA was signed though, they started talking about making a new will.  Knowing full well, AND the lawyer knowing full well that Pa has alzheimers, he had him sign stating he was of sound mind and I was amazed.  I thought these actions were illegal.  Once we were done having him do the POA, which the lawyer told them was the cheapest way to go instead of becoming a legal guardian, I was "dismissed".  Literally and figuratively.  I was told they were all having dinner together at their Pa's sister's house, and that I could leave.  After leaving I contacted both the lawyers office and them, Pa's daughter and son, and told them I was no longer willing to allow this POA to be completed and would dispute it.  I also was against a new will.  THIS is the reason they stepped in to dispute my becoming legal guardian of Ma.  Their NEW will, the one they had completed the very next day, took Ma completely OUT of the will.  In the original will, she was to receive everything if he passes before her.  The new one left her with nothing.  After 34 years of marriage does Ma deserve to be treated as such?  

Many bickerings, emails and communications later, we were in court.  This was now becoming a fast acting nightmare.  All because I did not have the Mental Health Power of Attorney Arizona required.

(IF I were to become legal guardian, it would become quite easy to dispute and overturn the new POA and Will they had him sign.  WHEN I become her guardian, this is the first thing I will do, in addition to stopping this original lawyer from ever practicing law again.  Not having the Guardianship will not stop me from accomplishing this, but it will be much easier as her guardian as I will have the court appointed legal right to do so to protect my Ma.  Even as I type this information months later, I am still amazed that this has gone on for so long now. )

It is now years later, and I am titling and restarting this blog.  It might at the very least, bring me some peace of mind and enable me to get all of this out of my head on onto "paper" so to speak.

Getting Ma help.....

The day I decided to try to get my Ma professional help for her paranoia was the day my life began it's turn upside down.  I spoke with her Doctor who explained that inpatient care was the quickest and most likely the best way to help her, so I contacted the places he recommended to see what they were all about.  I settled on the one that the Assisted Living place recommended as it was closer to where they were living so Pa could visit easily.  She needed pharmaceutical help, and they needed to start with getting her off what she was on, and get her on new ones that would help.  This was NOT a fun experience.  A psychiatric hospital can be a scary unsettling place, especially for someone that only understands why she is there for 15 minutes or so at a time.  The facility told me that in order to have her admitted, I needed a Mental Health Power of Attorney, OR Legal Guardianship.    Since I only had a General/Medical Power of Attorney from Washington State, where the laws are quite different, I was stuck in the mode of obtaining a Legal Guardianship.  Thus the battle began.....

DIGRESSING on purpose here.... this is where you RUN out and make SURE you have a Mental Health Power of Attorney on your loved ones.  Arizona requires this document, as I am sure other states do.  I am researching what states require this document and will post that information on a future blog or fact sheet.

I researched online the Legal Guardianship, and spoke with a couple of law firms about this.  It seemed like something I could quite easily do on my own being a self service type of person, so I downloaded and completed the forms I needed and off I went to the Courthouse to file the papers.  Total cost self filing, less than $800.00.  Much better than the $2500 I had been quoted by the law firms.  This money is (according to the court clerks) supposed to come from the person's estate.  At this point I did ask Pa to pay for this, and the additional copying fees and expenses and he wrote me a check.  All was well at this point.....  Pa understood to the best of his ability why I was doing this.  His anger over not being able to take care of it himself was transparent, but I explained that I was not over-riding his ability to "take care of Ma", I was assisting him in it.  That seemed to smooth the anger waters.  We discussed this many times, as 15-20 minutes later any conversation you have is forgotten.  Can be frustrating, but I have to overcome that frustration or I cannot move forward.

I gave the hospital the filing numbers they needed and a copy of the paperwork.  They needed to complete the medical part of the paperwork.  IF you are not good at completing paperwork and following up on everything involved, I would highly recommend finding a competent reasonable lawyer to advise you on this.  I missed a couple of things, and luckily the Court Appointment Lawyer for Ma was able to fill me in on what I needed to do.  Whew..... that really helped. 

Your loved one will get assigned a Lawyer, and cross your fingers that you get someone as competent and understanding as the one Ma got.  He has been a lifesaver throughout this process.  Normally they need to interview their client one or two times, show up in court with their recommendations and that's it.  NOT so lucky in Ma's case.

At this point, Pa's children were looking into the Legal Guardianship for him as well. I had sent them the links I had used for the paperwork and they were completing the forms as well.  At least that is what I THOUGHT they were doing.  This is when it gets interesting... hang in there with me.....

History

This is a picture of my Mom and I with her husband.  I'll make it easy and call them Ma and Pa.  Ma has dementia.  No obvious signs of Alzheimer's at this time, but I will have to wait and see.  Her long term memory and recognizing people see to be OK.  Short term memory is gone with one exception.  Medical issues.  (More on that later!)  She is 85, he is 86.  Pa has been diagnosed as probably Alzheimer's.  My blog in progress is on Sharing Dementia.  I honestly think when someone you love has dementia, you SHARE it with them.  This is a picture that is about 1.5 years old, and the difference between then and now is not flattering.  They are now living in Assisted Living and are sliding down that slippery hill fairly quickly.

The two main reasons I have started this blog are because of the legal issues I have faced trying to become the legal guardian for my Mother (reasons needed are explained below), and blended family reasons.  Pa is not my Dad.  They have been married for 34 years.  I have never called him anything other than Papa Bear, or his name.  It's a sad story I am telling, but one that has many lessons for someone just entering the arena of caring for someone with Dementia that is not legally or financially prepared to do just that.  It is also a hope of mine that it will help someone else out there, while at the same time helping me to continue dealing with these issues.

I am sure if you are reading this, you understand all the basics of Dementia.  Just in case.... here is a short paragraph that Alzheimer's.org wrote About Dementia, "Dementia is not a specific disease. It's an overall term that describes a wide range of symptoms associated with a decline in memory or other thinking skills severe enough to reduce a person's ability to perform everyday activities. Alzheimer's disease accounts for 60-80 percent of cases.    There are many other conditions that can cause symptoms of dementia, including some that are reversible, such as thyroid problems and vitamin deficiencies.  Dementia is often incorrectly referred to as "senility" or "senile dementia," which reflects the formerly widespread but incorrect belief that serious mental decline is a normal part of aging."

We are not sure what "kind" of dementia Ma has, but it involves a lot of anger, outbursts, anxiety, erratic behavior and paranoia.  The paranoia is what led me to seeking to become the Legal Guardian of my Ma!  This is a story primarily about Ma, but I might venture into Pa once in awhile, as he lives with her.  Not always a happy Pa with his mind slipping too, but a character in and of himself!

Ma was displaying paranoia that we tried to deal with through talking and reality, but it was not working.  After we moved her into the Assisted Living facility that they now live in, her paranoia became directed at me.  As with many older dementia patients, Ma hid things thinking someone was looking for something.  She and Pa hid Ma's wallet, and then could not find it.  After having the staff at the residence look, I went over and looked as well.  I found it inside a folded pair of Pa's jeans.  I let them know I found it, and finished visiting and went home.  She later accused me of stealing it, and then putting it back and "finding" it and telling her.  There was no convincing her otherwise.  The part that shocked me the most was the phone calls where I heard her using every swear word known to mankind, all coming from the Ma that never swore!   This and other issues caused me to seek help from her psychiatrist that was trying to help find the right medicine doses for her condition.  He explained that it would be faster and easier to seek help in an inpatient setting.  Little did I know that this was just where the battle would begin!